Alexa: Roll Me a Spliff

So I said: Alexa, roll me a spliff.

That was last month. Haven't heard from her since.

Even added the two magic words: Please and thank you.

Totally optional, but didn't want to be rude.

Sometime later, I got the munchies;

wanted her to get me jalapenos, chips and cheese:

the gooey kind of nachos…real old school.

Instead she sent me pita bread and hummus from Whole Foods.

So I said to Cortana: meet me at Panchas, for some cold beers and a round of pool.

Told her I'd grab some sticks, feed the jukebox and save us a couple of stools.

I'd buy us some Crown, we'd clown around, let loose like a couple of fools.

But just like that cold-hearted, distant Alexa, Cortana ghosted me, too.

Finally, I asked Siri, if maybe she'd meet up with me, so we could go quench

our thirst.

Slowly make our way down to North Beach, that’s if we didn't get hit by a Google

bus first.

We'd start out at Vesuvio, then saunter over to Specs,

where we'd play cards, drink brown, and nearly get wrecked.

Then we'd check into La Boheme, and stay up all night,

goofing off, talking, and laughing about life.

But all Siri said was: "I'm sorry, I didn't understand that inquiry."

I tell ya, with friends like those, who needs enemies?